I don't want to go up, I'm a Mexico kid.

Tomorrow afternoon, at 12:45, I will walk into a real office and sign a contract for a real job. 40 hour work weeks, salary and commission, 2 weeks vacation, and the Iron Cage. A very large part of me is terrified. My inner slacker/traveler/nomad is screaming, 'Stop, don't do it, don't sign your life away!'. But should I listen to any of those people? My inner business woman/grown up/realist is saying, 'Yes! Finally a real job, with health insurance!'

I feel like the real me is somewhere in the middle of these two personas. I would like to be a traveling realist. A hippie business woman. With the company I'm signing with, I think that might be possible. The big seller is that my daily schedule is flexible. The office is available from 6 am- 9 pm, and I just have to be there for 8 hours somewhere in between (with an hour lunch. It's no 2 hour siesta, but it will do). So technically I could work 6-2 every day and have every afternoon free. That calms my inner park dweller.

Another big "pro" on the list is the possibility of a dog. I've wanted a dog of my own for my entire life. I've raised dogs for 4 other roommates, and had to leave them behind. I knew I needed some stable income before I could commit, and this will provide just that. (dream dog pictured below)

So I made up my mind- I'm going to take the job. I will try the real world. You might find me here in a few months with my tail between my legs, running away (again) to Mexico, but I'm going to give it my all. Wish me luck out there!

My wants are so large...

I've gotten a library card. I take out 3 books a week. I wonder if this is the best way to spend my time. A quote that I've felt myself so many times...

"I pull up the blanket and turn to face you. I cover your leg wih my leg. Truthfully, my wants are so large that I can't fit words around them. I want I tell you I feel lonely. I want to ask if, on rainy nights, you are ever moved to speak the language of poets. But mostly, I want to feel the proximity of body, mind and heart... I want not sex but love." -Everyone But You by Sandra Novack.

Let it go...

I get like this sometimes. Computer obsessed. I hadn't realized that I slipped back into it until I felt actual carpal tunnel in my wrist. Between work stepping up my hours, and the worlds of Chicago and Mexico seeming infinitely more interesting on Facebook, I've become a zombie.

I want to stop, I told myself this very morning that I will go to the library and the gym before I get any more online time. Well, it's almost 2 now and neither have happened.

With the iphone always in my hand, I literally do not disconnect for more than a few moments. I need to quit this. I need to paint my friend's house or go to the park with my nephews, or anything besides being "plugged in" as my aunt says. I just can't. Even now, guess what? This blog? It's being written from a computer. I'm online as we speak. I'm using again. Please, let spring come. Let me get the substitute teaching job. Please don't let 2012 turn into Chicago x2 with me in bed with my thesis and facebook for days on end.

Mystery Poo

I thought I did well. My nephew pooped, I wiped him with minimal face making, washed my hands, he pulled up his shorts, walked out. I came back to the bathroom a few minutes later, and narrowly missed stepping on a random poo dropping in the middle of the floor. Why? How? This is why I'm not a mom yet.