There is an awkward stage in the beginning of any courtship where you struggle to find your footing. You aren't sure who is the decision maker, how far you can push, how much of yourself to put out there. Can you dive in head first without fear of hitting bottom? You have to determine your place not only in the relationship, but in relation to the other person's position.
My mother once told me, 'the only relationships that work are the ones where the man loves the woman more than she loves him'. Now, at the time, I dismissed it. Not only did such a statement ignore any non-heterosexual relationships, but it also eliminated the possibility of an even, mutually loving relationship. As I get older, with many things she has told me, I realize my mother might be right. Perhaps not all relationships have to work this way, but when the woman is from my family they have to work that way. We're not good at having the lower hand.
A friend of mine asked, "How is it that three months into a relationship, you're still posturing?" I hadn't looked at it quite like that, but it's exactly what I'm doing. I'm silently negotiating for a stronghold. Part of me wants to shout- I'm 25! Can't I be done with the withholding, with the meta level analysis, with the games? And the other part of me smugly says, you're 25- haven't you learned how to do it better than this by now?
