Where am I?

I'm so frustrated with myself. I let myself get wrapped up in a life, in a country, in a past, that distracts me from feeling the present. How do I get to the now?

When I first moved to Mexico, I was obsessed with my ex. Figuring out what he was doing, how he felt, analyzing pictures (was that a friendly hug? they never are)... so for the first few weeks I was in Cabo, I was a hermit. Thank God for new years eve, which forced me to go out, or I might never have met my best friend.

When I moved to Chicago, I spent the entirety of 6 months on facebook. What was going on in Mexico? Who was with who? What happened last night. Granted, the dramatic group of 'friends' that I left there did much to fuel the fire.

Now I'm back in Colorado, and I can see myself doing it again. Maybe it's easier to deal with fragments from the past as opposed to jumping into new things. Maybe I'm avoiding the job market. (I don't think it's called looking for work if I only applied to one place.) Or maybe I'm just stuck looking over my shoulder, allowing myself to doubt the major decisions I make because of it.

What it really boils down to is- I need to get out more.

Harvest Moon

There was a great big harvest moon out tonight. As I was driving home I saw it, and it struck me. It was so sharp, so crisp, and then it ducked behind the trees.

As I drove, it kept being interrupted by trees, or buildings, or even neon signs that overpowered it and completely destroyed its beauty. It would always reappear though, even if just for an instant. Eventually, it rose above these distractions, and I could see it for the elegant force that it was.

It came to me then- I am that moon. Maybe it is a tired and cliche metaphor, but I'm at a point in my life, that I keep getting covered up. I am shadowed or allow myself to be overtaken by boys, or jobs that I don't want, or paths that aren't really me, all the while believing that I am back there, somewhere- waiting to be seen.

I know I will persevere. I heard once that harvest moons seem so large due to the points of reference near the ground. The trees make it seem bigger, they shape it. Right now I'm being shaped by the distractions, but it was so clear, and such a relief, to know that soon enough, I will rise above and be what I really am.

Family time

I've been back in Colorado now for a few weeks, and my biggest accomplishment is becoming an essential part of my nephews' (and niece's) lives.

Here are some of my favorite moments. Also, I've started taking millions of pictures again. (for the kids!)

Ladies of the Family

Sister dinner- first time we're all over 21

Em at the pool

Johnny at the pool

Boys plus friend James at the county fair

Doodle petting at 4H rabbit

Col on the coolest water slide/ waterfall I've seen

Lunch with John's girlfriend

Painting a dog house for Ella (the "pretend" dog)



Bath Time

Bed time! I'm the coolest aunt ever.