Blogging?

Here goes nothing. I have twitter, facebook, and gmail, but I'm sick of writing one or two line blurbs that vaguely disguise what I'm actually feeling or doing. I don't know who my audience is, which makes it hard to write, but I'm going to take it as public diary. Thoughts, questions, picture. Keeping it simple.

I'm in Mexico at the moment, but I have no idea where I should be. The scary truth is, I want to be where I can fall in love. It doesn't just have to be a sexual/romance love, it could be with an idea. I want to be where I'm consumed with a man, or a job or a purpose greater than myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions; doing things that I think are going to be cool or fulfilling or an adventure. But I've yet to be captivated by a place.

Today is a perfect example. I'm on the beach, with a private pool, two great dogs, a healthy body and music playing out of little speakers that look like rocks. Technically, I should be ecstatic. But there's no passion. How can I make passion happen?

Also, there's this nagging theory that has dominated my life, which is people wanting what they can't have. My friend K is going through it right now. Great, nice guy who is crazy about her on the one hand, and numerous assholes on the other. I just can't convince her that nice is better. It's completely hypocritical of course, because I'm chasing some clubber who has a mental trophy case that he replenishes regularly. How can there be a happy medium? When will there be two people who are happy to have each other and never question what the greener grass is doing on Saturday night?