Ok, I'll admit it, I have an addiction. I'm addicted to falling in love. I just love falling in love. Being in a latin american country, there is no dearth of candidates. The men I have met are some of the most affectionate, handsome and loving men in the world. I am just coming from a place which gives me a handicap for interacting with such men. Women from the states are told that if a man brings you flowers, tells you every five minutes how beautiful you are and how much he adores you- then you probably have him on the hook (and to yourself). What a silly notion that is. Ahh, the tourists never had a chance. What amazes me, are the women here, who have been taught since puberty how to cipher through bullshit and find someone genuine. Well, that's a little harsh. The Latin men I have known, in my very limited experience, actually are in love when they say they are. No bullshit. They just allow themselves to be in love with multiple women, and for no set amount of time.
Back to my addiction- I have officially fallen in love 3 times in the last 2 months. There was the club manager, the artist and now the surfer. (Notice "accountant" or "auditor" are never on my lists. What does that say about me?) When the surfer walked into my office this morning bearing gifts, he was affectionately referred to as "the new one" by my coworkers. Everything always starts out perfect. After the heart break of 2009 however, I have trouble maturing these infatuations into meaningful relationships. I adore them... for a few weeks. Then my internal cynic tells me there's really no future with them, they like me to much for things to actually be real, and points out all the similarities between these guys, and the before mentioned heart breaker. So, I end it. You would think that I'm better at ending things since I've had so much practice. Not so much. It all comes off as a variation of "it's not you, it's me", which is not comforting to either party. Even though it is the honest to god truth, it is me, there is always strings left uncut due to the highly unsatisfactory reasons that I give them. How can I convince someone who has fallen in love (along with myself) that the object of their desire is actually a broken toy who doesn't want to be played with anymore. Furthermore, that I don't believe their strong and supposedly undying love is actually anything more than a figment of their imagination and libido. It doesn't usually go very well.
The solution to this cycle of love/breakups might be to go cold turkey, but something in me keeps telling me to continue looking for... not The One, because I don't think there is just one, but The One For My 20's. Are you out there, Mr. Self sufficient, intelligent, handsome man who is also able to fall for me according to an appropriate time table? I need to stop looking and start teaching English/rebuilding my aunt's company/working out. Even typing that made me laugh, there's no way that will happen- at least the working out part.
