Maybe I should feel bad... but I don't. I'm catching a little bit of flack for my actions as of late. Some people might see what I'm doing as inconsiderate. I've done some reevaluating and I've changed my perspective and motivations to be a little more... selfish. Eek! You mean I'm actively pursuing my own happiness? How rude!
Maybe I should back up and fill you in as to what caused such a change. I was never selfless in my actions. I've always had my own interests in mind, but I feel like I had some awareness as to what I'm doing to other people, a certain responsibility to the feelings of strangers. As I watched a 2 year old friend yell "MINE" and grab my camera away from me, I realized that we're born with the need to look out for ourselves. We don't even have a concept of other people until quite some time after we're born. I have a reoccurring image of myself at age 60, looking back at the life I've lived, and realizing the people I've been looking out for, stressing about their feelings, they won't matter in the least. Now, I'm not throwing family or friends under the bus here, but random strangers who disapprove of my dating habits? Fuck em. The people higher up than me at work who don't pull their weight but who I don't want to make look bad? They won't matter one iota to the 60 year old me. What will matter is whether or not I made myself happy. So that's what I've been doing, and it's been working out pretty well.
I was walking around the resort that I live at, and a friend was watching from a penthouse above. He called me later to ask me why I was so happy. I didn't know what he was talking about, but apparently, I was dancing. Skipping, disco handing, twirling, the whole gambit. I didn't even know I was doing it. I guess the happiness crusade is working. I feel pretty... :)
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