Raising the Bar

I've narrowed my criteria in a man down to four things. Now, these are the specific things in the man that I want, and do not include the things I want from him.

1. Intelligence - this doesn't have to mean education, but it often times does. Also, if it's a highly specified intelligence in a field I don't understand, than I'm not sure it counts. Writing skills fall into this category. 'Text talk' will get you axed pretty quick. lol.

2. Socially Capable - can get along easily in a situation where he doesn't know many people. Will make friends easily, and most importantly, my family gets along with him. Being funny- a crucial element - also falls into this category.

3. Ambitious - this doesn't always correlate with success, but it holds the promise of success. Even if they make doughnuts, they better have it in their heads the plan to be the best doughnut maker in the state- no- the world! 

4. Handsome - this one is a completely subjective category, and only I have to find the man attractive. I've dated some odd looking men in my life (I won't include pictures to protect the innocent) but there's always been that something that makes them someone I would stare at from across the room.

That's it. Pretty simple dream man. I've found a precious few 4 for 4's out there, now I just have to find the one that's head over heels for me and willing to treat me right. Ahh, if it were only that easy...

Panzano 5280 meal

First Course:

I got - Crespelle ai Funghi - Hazel Dell mushroom stuffed crepes, fonduta sauce, white truffle oil

He got- Cavolini di Bruxelles - Fried Brussels sprouts tossed with apple cider vinegar, pistachios and sliced green apple

Second Course:

I got - Smoked mozzarella, grilled eggplant soup

He got - Caesar Griglia - Grilled hearts of romaine, anchovies, garlic, Parmesan

Third Course:

I got - Costole Breve - Braised beef short ribs, with sweet potato puree, Gorgonzola and a vanilla bean foam

He got - Gnocchi al Coniglio - Sautéed gnocchi with rabbit confit, leeks, shallots, mushrooms, roasted tomatoes and gorgonzola cheese

Dessert:

I got - Lavender Chocolate Pâté - Finished with sea salt, extra virgin olive oil and raspberries

He Got - Blood Orange semifreddo - like a orange creamsicle

Best meal of my life. Just thought I'd share

I don't want to go up, I'm a Mexico kid.

Tomorrow afternoon, at 12:45, I will walk into a real office and sign a contract for a real job. 40 hour work weeks, salary and commission, 2 weeks vacation, and the Iron Cage. A very large part of me is terrified. My inner slacker/traveler/nomad is screaming, 'Stop, don't do it, don't sign your life away!'. But should I listen to any of those people? My inner business woman/grown up/realist is saying, 'Yes! Finally a real job, with health insurance!'

I feel like the real me is somewhere in the middle of these two personas. I would like to be a traveling realist. A hippie business woman. With the company I'm signing with, I think that might be possible. The big seller is that my daily schedule is flexible. The office is available from 6 am- 9 pm, and I just have to be there for 8 hours somewhere in between (with an hour lunch. It's no 2 hour siesta, but it will do). So technically I could work 6-2 every day and have every afternoon free. That calms my inner park dweller.

Another big "pro" on the list is the possibility of a dog. I've wanted a dog of my own for my entire life. I've raised dogs for 4 other roommates, and had to leave them behind. I knew I needed some stable income before I could commit, and this will provide just that. (dream dog pictured below)

So I made up my mind- I'm going to take the job. I will try the real world. You might find me here in a few months with my tail between my legs, running away (again) to Mexico, but I'm going to give it my all. Wish me luck out there!

My wants are so large...

I've gotten a library card. I take out 3 books a week. I wonder if this is the best way to spend my time. A quote that I've felt myself so many times...

"I pull up the blanket and turn to face you. I cover your leg wih my leg. Truthfully, my wants are so large that I can't fit words around them. I want I tell you I feel lonely. I want to ask if, on rainy nights, you are ever moved to speak the language of poets. But mostly, I want to feel the proximity of body, mind and heart... I want not sex but love." -Everyone But You by Sandra Novack.

Let it go...

I get like this sometimes. Computer obsessed. I hadn't realized that I slipped back into it until I felt actual carpal tunnel in my wrist. Between work stepping up my hours, and the worlds of Chicago and Mexico seeming infinitely more interesting on Facebook, I've become a zombie.

I want to stop, I told myself this very morning that I will go to the library and the gym before I get any more online time. Well, it's almost 2 now and neither have happened.

With the iphone always in my hand, I literally do not disconnect for more than a few moments. I need to quit this. I need to paint my friend's house or go to the park with my nephews, or anything besides being "plugged in" as my aunt says. I just can't. Even now, guess what? This blog? It's being written from a computer. I'm online as we speak. I'm using again. Please, let spring come. Let me get the substitute teaching job. Please don't let 2012 turn into Chicago x2 with me in bed with my thesis and facebook for days on end.

Mystery Poo

I thought I did well. My nephew pooped, I wiped him with minimal face making, washed my hands, he pulled up his shorts, walked out. I came back to the bathroom a few minutes later, and narrowly missed stepping on a random poo dropping in the middle of the floor. Why? How? This is why I'm not a mom yet.

Where am I?

I'm so frustrated with myself. I let myself get wrapped up in a life, in a country, in a past, that distracts me from feeling the present. How do I get to the now?

When I first moved to Mexico, I was obsessed with my ex. Figuring out what he was doing, how he felt, analyzing pictures (was that a friendly hug? they never are)... so for the first few weeks I was in Cabo, I was a hermit. Thank God for new years eve, which forced me to go out, or I might never have met my best friend.

When I moved to Chicago, I spent the entirety of 6 months on facebook. What was going on in Mexico? Who was with who? What happened last night. Granted, the dramatic group of 'friends' that I left there did much to fuel the fire.

Now I'm back in Colorado, and I can see myself doing it again. Maybe it's easier to deal with fragments from the past as opposed to jumping into new things. Maybe I'm avoiding the job market. (I don't think it's called looking for work if I only applied to one place.) Or maybe I'm just stuck looking over my shoulder, allowing myself to doubt the major decisions I make because of it.

What it really boils down to is- I need to get out more.