All Hookers Eve

Happy halloween! Or rather, the day before, which will be the true halloween to all those who are concerned with partying. My friends and I have made the perfect mix of costume with sexiness, and we will proceed to go down town and judge everyone around us on either being too sexy or totally creative and amazing. Underpants and wings does not an angel make, my friend.

I have a serious beef with bought costumes. (and I'm not the only one) Sure, they look great, but there are a few major flaws. For one, there's no possible way for them to be unique, because they are made in bulk, and usually sold as such. If you're wearing an amazing bought costume that has 20 copies running around town, you might get a compliment, but it's sure to go something like, "Hey, great transformer costume, I saw that earlier on a hotter/skinnier/stronger person." Then you will feel like someone crushed your little halloween spirit. If you go as a collection of homemade items, no one can ever replicate it.

Also, there is no heart to these costumes. You made no sacrifice (besides the 100 freaking dollars) and therefore, the pride is minimized. If you were making your zombie princess costume, and stapled your thumb to your tiara, creating real blood to boot, you will rock that costume like it's in a thriller video.

I am going as a skunk. I made the costume, and will post pictures shortly. If there happens to be some other brilliant woman out there that decided a skanky skunk just HAD to be her frock tonight, then I will give her props. And then I will spray her with my homemade smelly spray.

Never Quit Quitting

He’s so much like smoking that it’s scary. I’ve quit him a million times, and yet, all it takes is one moment of stress, one memory of happiness, and I’m off the wagon. I call him, and then I’m stuck calling him. His easy jokes, his shared memory of the past 5 years, it's instantly addicting. I know, with every warning label reinforcing it, that he is bad for me. Warning: Will prioritize everything else in his life before you. Warning: You’re his first love and he will never fully let you go. Warning: This ex boyfriend will be the death of you. But I just read these warnings, fully understood by myself, and keep puffing away.

Maybe, this time, we will have grown up enough to know our limits. Maybe this time I can just call him once a week, as a reward for working two jobs. It will only be this one call to tell him something funny that reminded me of him. But it's never just one.

But tonight, after slowly weaning myself, I quit cold turkey. I told him, "look, you're no good for me. If we're not going to be in a relationship, then we're friends, and I don't need a friend like you." I'm proud of myself, but I can't help but wonder if this will be the end of my nasty habit, or if, in some time of stress or sadness, I'll end up caving- once again looking for my crutch.

Do you have egg cartons in your ears?

I'll start by saying that things with the surfer are done. I know, we're all shocked. When he asked me to move in, I started to think we were on different wavelengths. I actually studied the physics of sound and music in college (so I didn't have to take chemistry) and wavelengths are exactly what went wrong with this guy. In physics, waves of sound will keep bouncing around as long as they find good bouncing surfaces. (Very technical, I know) That's why in sound studios, the walls have bumpy surfaces, to trap the waves and stop them from traveling back around the room. There was no way the waves I was putting out were coming anywhere near this guy's comprehension. He must have had very bumpy ear drums.

I would say, "Let's take this slow", and he would whisper"Te quiero" (I love you).

I would say, "Maybe we should take the weekend off to think about things", and he would hear "I really want you to text me 3 times a day about how much you miss me".

Me- "It's not working out. I'm overwhelmed with how much you like me."

Him- "But I love you!".

Etcetera.

Finally, I said, "Maybe we can be friends, but that's all. Do You Understand? Say it back to me." It seemed to get through- kind of.

The crappy part of breaking things off early in a relationship is that the beginning is when people do most of their fantastical planning. I really hoped that we would surf every morning at 5 am, and I would get super ripped and become and amazing surfer chick, and suddenly become a morning person (who didn't need to "bake out" for 30 minutes before biting off the heads of anyone who spoke to her). We were supposed to go to this amazing private beach and according to him- we were supposed to live happily ever after. Besides that last part, I was really looking forward to how things might have been. I just wasn't ready for full speed ahead yet. Maybe it's being in Mexico, too close to The Heartbreaker. Maybe it's me knowing that my true person is still in formation and I'm weary of anyone who loves someone with out knowing who they even are. Whatever the reason, I'm officially single again.

Cheetos, a hot tub filled with oatmeal, and vanilla haagen dazs with chocolate syrup are who I'm currently seeing. They are nice guys, and I'm very happy with them. For now.